Emotions

Walks are a good time for reflection. The past week has been a blur for me which I attribute to anesthesia and IV pain medication. But it's still hard to believe that all the waiting and preparation is over and the surgery is complete.

The thing I thought about the most during my walk is the fact that 85% of my stomach has been removed. And that thought introduced some interesting emotions. I'm not quite sure how to write them out but I am going to say that one of the emotions is a mild state of shock.

It's not shocking the surgery is over or the things I have to do to recover, it's the fact that most of my stomach is gone and never coming back. Some of the other emotions are pleasing. This mostly has to do with the fact that I will never be able to eat the way I used to again and that my portion size will always be from this point forward small. I will never sit down to eat the same way again. And another feeling I had was motivation. The pre and post-op procedures are enough to keep me on the straight and narrow for a while.

I think something has changed since surgery. They were right when they said you have no idea how your thoughts and feelings for food will change after surgery. At times before surgery I was preoccupied with what I would eat after surgery and how I'm going to handle this and that but in reality, it's been a chore to eat and drink.